The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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