My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
