It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
