Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
