hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize