google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize