TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize