its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
