$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
