YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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