I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
