he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize