WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
