I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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