Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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