I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
