The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
