Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
