If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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