was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
