There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
