I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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