Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
