Don't make out with my wife yet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
