I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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