we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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