Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
