margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
