right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
