she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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