he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize