I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
