i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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