the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
