Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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