so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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