dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
