last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
