You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
