she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize