Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
