toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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