I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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