If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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