Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
