first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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