I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
