there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
