I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
