I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
