WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
