You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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