i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
