New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
