Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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