Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
