is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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