my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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