He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
