Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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