when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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