the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize