how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
