i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
