i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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