well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
