It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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