I'm eating all of the evidence.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
