Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
