I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
