Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
