ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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