So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
