Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
