Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
