We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
