i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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