Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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