she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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