I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
