Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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