Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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