I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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