her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
tell me about the fingering
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