i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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