3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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