How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
